From Superwoman to Supported: How to develop Healthy Independence
Growing up, independence was praised and encouraged in every step of girlhood. From pop culture artists such as Destiny's Child to movements around girl power and equality. Like many women, I was encouraged to be self-sufficient and to move in the world as if anything was possible. As early as high school, my friends and I could not wait to be on our own, have a good job, our own place and our own money. The women around us were living and breathing superwomen. Taking pride in taking care of everything and being self-reliant was not just expected, but was the norm for them.
As I grew from girlhood to womanhood, I started to see that being a superwoman was not what I envisioned it to be. All around me, I witnessed young women with optimism, diligent work ethic, and tenacity begin to crumble from the burden of doing so much on their own. You probably witnessed this too, maybe even felt it yourself. Life challenges from broken trust, trauma, and being let down so many times made it substantially harder to put down the superwoman cape. The perspective of having to do it all no matter what, was not just a necessity but provided a feeling of safety.
As a mental health professional, I heard from women suffering from the impact of burnout and doing so much that it can be hard to ask for help and have faith that they will be supported in the same way that they hold everyone else up.
Hyper-independence for women can be a necessity for safety and survival. To begin to develop a healthy relationship with independence, it calls us to dig deep into the 'why' behind the self-reliance. It requires an affirmation that we deserve reciprocity and we are worthy outside of our doing. I believe that women, now more than ever are open to imagining a life where we can experience interdependence and be able to have our needs fulfilled. In my recent podcast episode with Worsham EL, a Trauma Expert, we dive deep into hyper-independence, its impact on women’s wellness, and how we can begin to heal to step into being fully supported.